is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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