apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
