he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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