My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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