Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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