Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
