So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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