They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
well, you know. whores of a feather.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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