i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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