I bet he comes in French.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
