so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
