did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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