Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
