All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
