my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did I show you my penis last night?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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