I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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