last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
