I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
