dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
