I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
