He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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