I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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