Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
