allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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