This is not my ceiling
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
