You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
