I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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