we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
