all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
