I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
