Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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