This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
