Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
