What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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