If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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