He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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