where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
