She's JV to your varsity
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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