went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
only if we run a train.
done.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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