Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
