I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
