4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
