We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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