I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
