Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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