I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
