please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
