Already got asked if we're dating
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
