Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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