I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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