Kiss
Puke
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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