good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
